The Day My Mother said “Okay”

The moment you realize your parents are aging is different for everyone.

For me, it was when my mother stopped fighting my decisions.

She accepted—or perhaps showed noonchi, that quiet Korean awareness-when I said no. Instead of trying to persuade me, manipulate me, or guilt-trip me the way she once could, she simply said, “Okay.”

The elephant in the room between my parents and me has long been my refusal to take my kids to Korean church. Or any church.

At first, my explanations came slowly and sounded somewhat reasonable. It was COVID, so we were doing online Sunday service. I was pregnant and exhausted. Sometime I pointed to troubling news about church leadership elsewhere. Over time, the explanations kept changing.

Now, I find myself running out of excuses.

These days, I simply say that I am solo-parenting on weekends because of my husband’s work schedule. I cannot chase Little Lion alone through a church service.

My mother still disapproves. She reminds me, with pride, that I am who I am because I grew up under God’s prayer and love.

But now, instead of arguing, she sighs and says, “Okay.”

Part of me feels relieved that I am finally being heard after more than forty years.

But another part of me realizes something else:my mother is getting older.

Sometimes, the quiet “okay” carries more weight than all the arguments that came before it.